As I'm sure all you loyal readers have noticed (and by loyal I mean only you few actually READ my blog anymore), I haven't written in awhile. The reason being, I haven't found much to write about. Oh sure, I could rant and rave about the craziness of the health care bill. But others can do it oh so much better than I. (Try coyoteblog.com or the armchair economist's commentary on his blog—you'll have to find it yourself.) I could post pictures of my beautiful children. But, alas, I've lost the connector cable for my camera, so no pictures until that's found. I could write a beautiful blog of the season, and I probably will soon (Christmas is only a couple days away).
Truth is, I haven't blogged because I've been down, and I haven't wanted to share my downer mood with everyone. That job I asked you all to pray for in Roanoke? He didn't get it. That was the first huge blow. It just felt so...RIGHT. Then he had another interview. And that one didn't come through. I've been really frustrated.
(I'm going to rant now, so you don't have to proceed reading if you don't want to.)
Things are really hard. It's getting really tiring living off the help of others. Don't get me wrong, it's wonderful that they are willing to help. It would just be nice to live in my own place again. It would be nice to pay for my own groceries. There doesn't seem to be anyone able to help either. Hubby goes to workshops and they concentrate on business, not law, or on building a resume, his resume is really good already. He's tried making contacts, but none of those contacts can help, or don't know of any openings. We feel very stuck.
I'm going to ask you all a question. What do you do when you feel your prayers aren't being answered? How do you cope with really hard times, time that are dark and you feel lost? What do you do when you don't know what to do? If your answer is just going to be reading scriptures and keep praying, I already know that. I just want to know what other things are useful to you all.
5 comments:
I'm so sorry things are so rough for you now.
This will sound cheesy, but I sit down and write a list of the blessings in my life at the moment, or if things suck enough that I can't think of any, times in the past when things have been tough and God helped me through it. It helps me trust God when I remember the ways he's looked out for me in the past.
I talk to people about it, especially if they are in a similar position. I don't know why, but vocalizing it makes it seem less scary to me.
I also process things best through writing, so writing helps me put shape to what I'm going through.
I try and lose myself into something else, whether it is a book or trying to help someone or a project that has been weighing me down. I know distraction isn't a long term solution, but it gets me through rough times.
Rob and I pray for you every day. Hang in there.
I'm so sorry things are so hard for you right now! I wish things would just fix themselves and you would have a job and a direction and all that kind of thing.
As to what I do when nothing else seems to be working,I go back and read my journals, or previous blog posts or wherever I need to go to find a time when I was struggling in the past. Sometimes I find little bits of sunshine in things I myself have written in previous hard times.
I also try to talk to good friends and family. Not just about what is going on with me, because I'm really good at creating a pity party, but about how they are and what's happening in their lives. And then if I can muster it, I try to help other people out. I've struggled pretty hard with being depressed in the past and not feeling like answers are coming, so I know this is not the easiest thing when you're down, but finding small ways to help others brings a bit more sunshine and those little moments are precious when life is hard.
I don't know if that helps. It's definitely not a panacea, but I'll keep you in my prayers and hope things improve.
I wish I had a good answer but the longer I live the more I realize that everyone has problems---everyone. Even though we may not even have an inkling of what they're going through, they are there. Sometimes I feel like my family's problems can't get any worse and that I can't handle any more, but I've finally come to realize that I can and will cope and that I am not being punished. I've had to learn that I just have to turn it over to God and not worry about the outcome. I'm truly sorry for what you are going through but I do know that some day, hopefully sooner than later, you will look back and think, Oh! That's why we went through that." We are praying and fasting for your family. Hang in there.
I'm sorry the jobs aren't turning up. I'm sorry you're facing a huge trial in your life. It seems the times when I am going through depression the things that help me most are reading old journals, and counting my blessings...I know that's not always the easiest during a trial. The best thing for me is remembering old times when I have truly felt the promptings of the Holy Ghost and acted on it, and the blessings that came from such action, Rereading journal entries given around fathers blessing and my patriarchal blessing also help. Remember that God knows you by name, you ARE his daughter and he loves you. During times of trial and depression somtimes we have to take one day at a time and look for the little moments to Cherish.
Lately I've come to realize that my depression is one way Heavenly Father has taught me to be o.k. with asking for help....For me that's a really hard thing to do. I hate recieving help, but love to give it...ironic. We love you and will continue to pray for you.
Oh, sweetheart...find yourself a pillow and scream in it...and I mean really scream into it. Sometimes just screaming gets out all that frustration. It sounds funny but someone told me that it helps and ... well...yes...I've tried it. Watching a really sad movie that makes you cry your guts out can be quite cathartic too...but make sure to watch it with a friend...so she can cry with you. But it has got to be a movie that you know you will really really cry watching. Sometimes you've just got to let it out. LOL. I do think it is better to feel than to become past feeling and apathetic.
Okay...all of that may not be good advice...but it may help. It is interesting how sometimes being so rock bottom feels and seems awful and pointless...but the truth of it is that everyone hits a bottom at some point. It allows us to feel more compassion for those that are downtrodden and gives us more understanding of what it means to rely completely on the Lord. It also can help us dig deep for faith we never thought we'd have to exercise...and sometimes it is to allow others to serve us and be blessed by it. Just remember that in times of drought the rain eventually comes. In times of storm, the sun will eventually come out. Just know it is completely normal to feel down. It's good that you can talk about it. People are around you that can help.
Some ideas....Perhaps finding a side job in the mean time can help you feel like you have something coming in. I am not advocating that you, as a mother, should work. There are, however, some things that you might consider doing temporarily from home. You have good editing chops. Perhaps you can do some editing from home. I know that you can get paid to read and grade essays from some standardized tests. Things like that. Maybe you can start writing a novel. Who knows...maybe you are a Stephenie Meyer in the works. Perhaps Jon can try his hand temporarily at something while he is looking for something permanent. Perhaps you both already are. It is just a suggestion. I just know that doing something, even though small, during interim droughts can be helpful to keep from feeling stuck and may open other doors. Again...just suggestions and it may or may not be what is best. Just ideas.
Whatever you do...remember that you are loved...and being watched over. We love you. Have courage. Continue to press forward. 2 Nephi 31:20.
~Natalie Snow (yep....that's me!)
Post a Comment