Life has been hard. "Hard?" you may ask. How? Well, that's the reason I haven't really posted. I don't really want to share with the world my own internal personal struggles. Lets just say that I have been feeling the weight of the world, and then some. I have felt isolated, alone, and extremely heavy. No breaks. No solace. Even going to the temple, although inside was a release, I came out and the weight descended again. It's getting better. A lot better. Circumstances are improving, which has taken some weight off. The weight of the world is now being shared a lot better, and other weights have, miraculously, lightened. Don't get me wrong, they're still there, but they feel easier to bear. So, I plug on, going through this thing called life, seeking and trying to find the silver lining in it all. There are moments of brilliance, and that is really what has kept me going.
Blogging has become hard. Not only do I now feel incredibly uncomfortable sharing the nitty gritty of my life, I feel horribly inadequate. I don't have pictures of my beautiful children to share because I still have not replaced my camera and videos on my Flip continue to disappear (Sweets loves to "take pictures" but then somehow deletes them all). I'm not some creative writing genius. I look at my SIL's blog and love her creativity and pictures, then look at my own and feel horribly under qualified. Most of my friends probably don't read this anymore, as I've become so sporadic. But I'm determined to keep trying. Please keep checking. I'm here and I'm trying.
As for an update, I'm still pregnant, experiencing all the joys that brings with only 5 weeks left to go (or maybe 6 if this one wants to follow the ways of her oldest sister). My hips hurt, I can't breathe sometimes, I can barely sleep, I have heartburn, and I feel like a whale. I don't really LOOK like a whale (so many people think I'm not due until January or February), but I definitely FEEL like a whale. The girls are just the best of friends. They are growing so fast I can hardly keep up. I'm feeling reservations on how I'm going to handle 3 drama queens in my house, but Sweets and Bumpkin are already good helpers my fears are a little unfounded. Hubby's still working hard. He has to drive to work, something we didn't count on, so I'm left without a car most days. It's frustrating, but I'm trying to get out. My MIL came to visit last week. Talk about a breath of fresh air. It was so nice having an extra hand to help out. We did so many fun things too. She promised to send me all her pictures, so I'll save sharing all our outings to when I can illustrate them. It was a little healing to have her too. When some of the weight is taken off, it's a lot easier to address so many other things. When she left, I felt re-energized.
Hubby and I are also starting up our own little business. We don't have our website up yet or a way to take orders yet, but we have started a blog. The address is www.chuckledoo.com. Right now we're just starting to show what we're going to sell. We'll be taking orders as soon as we get that all set up. Go take a look. Tell other people. This is really something we're hoping will bring in just a little side money to help us out.
Okay, enough of the self-promotion. Sweets has been trying to convince me, every day, that it is her birthday, or that her birthday is soon. Although it's about 6 months away, I wonder if she's onto something. Maybe we should look at every day as a celebration of our lives. Birth is such a miracle and life is such a miracle. That really does give us reason to celebrate. What I learn from my 3-year-old.
6 comments:
:) Those of us with google reader get notified when you update, so we at least read what you write immediately.
I completely feel your pain with being without a car - the isolation, the fact that evening/weekend time has to be spent on errands, the increased clutter caused by being at home more hours. Call me if you need some adult conversation.
I'm glad that amid the crazy, you can see the brilliance. Family life is crazy but wonderful, and I know you work hard to bring out the good. I'll be praying for you.
I'm sorry to hear that you feel so burdened. I have felt a lot like that myself lately. Life can just be so difficult sometimes. It's especially hard when we don't have control of the situations around us. I'll be praying for you and maybe you can send a prayer my way too. That's what friends are for! Loves!
I also get your updates on google reader am always excited when you post, even if it has been a while. Hang in there, friend! I'm glad you're trying to see the good in hard times. Life really is pretty difficult at times, and that's hard to take. I hope things improve soon. If nothing else you will be having another adorable baby and while that will bring challenges, it will also be wonderful! Love you!
valmaedorianHey girl! Even I read your blog when you update it. I, who is all the way on the other side of the world. So...keep them coming! Your life is of more interest than you think!!! :) Sorry you haven't been feeling terribly encouraged as of late and that the weight of the world is on you. Be sure to do something for yourself every single day: a bubble bath, read a book, buy yourself a treat, anything that is just for you. It is worth it for yourself and those around you. Just a suggestion but it is worth its weight in gold. I find I am a happier person and can do more for others.
A few suggestions that may or may not help...
-Do you have a library nearby? A weekly outing with your bubs to the library can be really rewarding. A whole new world opens up when I go to the library. They have story reading times for kiddies too (most libraries). A weekly date give you and the kids something to look forward to. Just a thought. Your library may be too far away. Dunno.
-Befriend and help someone else in your ward or neighborhood. Chances are that you will find their lives as difficult, if not more. It makes you not feel so alone in your trials. It seems like one more thing and too difficult but you will be surprised by how uplifting it feels.
-Are you nutrient defficient? Sometimes lacking iron or some of the essential vitamins can be difficult.
-Try to laugh at least 8 times a day. Seriously. Even if you have nothing to laugh at - force it. Certain endorphins go off in the brain when we laugh. It also helps us to see life a little less seriously. My Dad always told me, "Don't take yourself too seriously." Phew for that!
Isolation is hard with no car - especially when you have littlies to take care of and when you are 8 months pregnant. Do you have any visiting teachers who can take you out a couple of times a week - just to get out? Give them a call. They may or may not be able to but it is worth the asking. Seriously. I love it when my Vtees call me. Just a thought. It is discouraging if they aren't helpful but it is worth a shot.
We love you. You are pretty dargone cool. Seriously. And....from what I know of you...you never ever gave yourself enough credit for all the talents you have.
It isn't abnormal to feel the way you are feeling. You'd be surprised to know that heaps of people feel that way. I have - and it doesn't feel good. Just know we love you.
BTW, whales are one of my favorite animals in the world. So....there's nothing wrong with looking and feeling like one. :)
~Natalie
Hey, darling! I'm sorry to hear that you've been so down lately. Your blog is AWESOME!!! Don't compare yourself to any one else's. Ever. I have to keep reminding myself of that all of the time. I have a loooong way to go to catch up to other food blogs.
We love you and miss you. We'll keep you in our prayers, and in our hearts. Keep your chin up- it will get better!
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